Ann D and John Hedeman, married 39 years ago, attending a friend's wedding in Ahmedabad, India, in January 2012.
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After a secret engagement, Anne D and John Hedeman were married June 15, 1974.
John and Anne D (as she's been known since childhood) Hedeman have been married 39 years. They met during her first week at Princeton in 1970; he was a junior. At the time the ratio was 10 to 1 male. A few months later they became secretly engaged. She is a professor of late medieval and northern Renaissance art at the University of Kansas; he is retired. They live in Lawrence, Kan., and have a grown daughter. Following is a condensed and edited version of our interview.
You had an unusual first meeting.
Anne D: It was the end of the first week of school and I'd decided to go to see The Triangle Club perform, but I was too vain to wear my glasses and didn't have contacts yet. I don't have a good sense of direction; the buildings kind of formed this big z-shape and I just headed in the wrong direction, then I went back in the other direction looking for this archway. John was walking back from work and saw me, bumping up against walls; he went up to his room, changed and showered and came back down to offer me help find my way.
John had time to clean up and Anne D is still bumbling around?
John: I'd say it was 15 or 20 minutes of her trying to find the right entrance. I'd seen her in the dining hall the week before. I'd noticed her because she had blue toenail polish on, which to me was a little unusual, but I was too shy to go over.
Anne D: I was at a table with a friend and her boyfriend. At the time there were not a lot of women on campus and, within minutes of sitting down there were five other guys sitting across from me. He didn't say a word.
John: After the show we went back to my dorm. I had six roommates. We were telling stories and laughing until she said she had to go home. I offered to walk her, but she said she was fine. She got ready to leave and walked into a closet.
Anne D: There were four bedrooms, two closets.
John: Weeks later a mutual friend got her to come over to my room one night and knock on the door. One of my roommates answers and she said, "Can John come out and play?" and he slammed the door in her face. It was sort of a strange dynamic in terms of meeting women on campus. Guys worked very hard on "importing" women when the school was still male only. It wasn't healthy. Among the roommates I seemed least likely to meet one of the few coeds, so they were surprised. I guess they felt they should be further up on the list than I was.
What was it like to have one of the few women on campus be your girlfriend?
John: It was great! I think the word I would use is unexpected. She was my first and only girlfriend.
Anne D: I had plenty of dates, but of all the guys, John was the only one I felt really comfortable with. Most were just realizing that women were more than dates.
How long before you were engaged?
John: She seemed perfect to me. Her freshman year we went to the movies and then back to her room. We were just lounging around and I said, "Do you want to get married?"
Anne D: And I said, YEAH.
Why did you keep it secret?
Anne D: Partly because I didn't want to get married until after I had graduated, but I think I also wanted to tell my parents in person. That summer I went home and was getting calls from boys who wanted to take me out and I kept saying no. My mother at one point asked, "What, are you engaged or something," — I told her yes. My dad said some expletive I can't remember.
John: I went to visit her parents after the unexpected announcement. It was a Saturday and her dad came up to me and said, "I'm going to the dump, let's take a ride." On the way we had the father to future son-in-law talk, and it was much less tense than I thought. He just wanted to know that she was going to continue her education and not leave Princeton.
You waited quite a while to have children.
John: Anne D's Ph.D was our first child and her getting tenure was our second. Jackie was born in 1988.
Anne D: When Jackie was about 2 we tried again, but I was pushing 40 and it just didn't work. It was less stressful than disappointing. I had never not been able to do what I put my mind to.
John: I tend to be more optimistic by nature. I wouldn't trade the experience of Jackie as an only child for anything.
What about your career, John?
By ERIKA ALLEN 23 Feb, 2013
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Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/22/booming/starting-on-campus-and-never-straying.html?partner=rss&emc=rss
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